Spookychild’s writings

“You know, if you need someone to talk to, about life and your ex, I’m a good listener.” Paul said, and I am sure his voice was softer then it had been.

“Oh, it’s just a thing I have to do for my mom.” I blurted out, feeling like I was giving too much away.  “I am not happy about it.” and to my absolute embarrassment I felt some tears slip out of the corner of my eyes. I instinctively put my hands up to them.

“You could tell her you don’t want to.” Paul was closer now, he had taken a step closer, but I hadn’t seen him, all I knew was he was closer.

“No, it’s too late.” I responded, and I was looking at him with horror. “I already said I would do it. And she already told him.” I stopped. I was giving it all away.

“You are clearly panicking about it, is it a first date?” Paul asked, and he was beside me now.

My eyes were as big as I could make them I nodded. I would choke on the words if I tried to say them.

“Why don’t you go inside, listen to music and have some water or milk and just turn off your phone for now, and try to relax.” Paul suggested. “and then try to explain it to your mom.”

Suddenly I was crying again. I have never in my life had someone try to help me with my anxiety, besides my therapist, but that was a doctor being paid to help me. Usually if I expressed panic to someone I was rewarded with negativity, anger or annoyance. My mom would get mad back or act like I was attacking her. My ex would call me a big cry baby or say I was trying to get others to believe he was abusing me. And those were the only people that ever really saw that side of me.

“She won’t,” I sobbed. “She won’t listen.”

“Hey.” I couldn’t see anymore, but I felt a hand on my arm. “Why don’t you start by sitting down?” he was saying, But I could hardly hear. I continued to cry.

“May I come in, and help you get to the couch?” He asked after a moment paused, watching me make a fool of myself. I nodded, what else could I do?