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Shadows of the past
Sophia blinked; tears streamed out of the corners of her eyes. She knew Cameron was there, but she could not look at him. How could she explain why she was the way she was. Considering a relationship before this had always terrified her; there was more to her than loneliness and more to her depression than companionship could fix. There were so many layers and levels of her inside, one minute, she was okay, cuddling and feeling loved. The next, she was alone in a dark void, unable to breathe. And she did not even know where to start trying to fix it.
It was not that she did not want to move on and be happy. She did more than anything. But she knew that all it took was a sound, a beam of sunlight, a sunset, a word; anything could trigger pain deep inside her chest and water streaming out of her eyes. Her mom would say, “Sophia, you need to pray; God will give you peace.” And she would pray and beg and give everything to God, and no peace would come. What did it mean? Was she going to hell? Her mom could be dead, and she was with a man. Did that make her a bad person?
Cameron abandoned the words; he wrapped her up tightly and caressed her head. When she was ready, she could talk to him or not. She could keep it to herself; some of the hurts had happened before he even knew she existed, so long ago. She did not even know why she was sad or depressed anymore. Something had happened to her when she had been a child, and now, she no longer remembered. It was impossible to trace it down to one issue, one instance. Cameron had to accept it and be there when she wanted to talk about it or silently support her.
Sophia managed to stop her tears; she closed her eyes and leaned into the hug, deep breathing her way into moving past the guilt and depression. It was not moving on from it; she let it sink back into the depth where it had been hiding. She knew it would be back later today, in a dream, or after a trigger tomorrow. The only choice she could make was to move past it for now.
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World in my Head

My poetry
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One alone

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Coping

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Out of the Darkness, into the Light
Katie could hear her name being spoken. And she could feel something cold in her eye. It hurt. She moaned and tried to turn away.
Myles heard her moan a second time. “Katie, it’s me Myles,” He said a little louder this time.
Katie heard his voice, and she opened her eyes. She looked at him, a flash or fear across her face for a moment, but then she relaxed. It was just a lovely young man, the one who had picked her up off the road and brought her to this comfortable place with a nice bed. And then she looked around. She had fainted outside. Now she was back inside. She recognized it as the living room that they had passed through to go outside.
She felt Embarrassed. Not only was he giving her a free place to stay and free clothes, but now he had to carry her inside because she fainted. She found herself whispering. “Im sorry.” She liked him. She really did. But she wasn’t well in the head to experience a crush. She needed to figure out what she was going to do now that she had escaped. And what about the reason for fainting?
Myles smiled at her. “Don’t apologize Katie. You fainted. You don’t have control over things like that. I’m just glad you woke up. I brought you a water. If you think you can drive some it might help.” He held up the water.
Katie Focused on the water. she was a little thirsty. She had drunk all the water from last night after crying in the bathroom. She almost cried again. Her head was so messed up. Her body was so messed up. How is she ever gonna begin to fix it? She ought to go to a hospital, but she didn’t want to tell anybody anything about where she’d come from or who had done it. She didn’t want them to find her.
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Are you here?

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7:30

7:30 -
Time Eternal

My poetry ❤️ Another poem from days past.
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Carl
Carl is not happy. Every night he comes close to land. He makes his move. He slowly eats the sky. If you live somewhere near to where Carl comes inland, you will look outside, and you will see. Carl is at it again.
Carl is marine layer. He doesn’t know that. He thinks he is an almighty storm. He thinks with a flick of his tail he can conquer all. He pictures himself eating house and tree. He sees himself as the destroyer of all things human. That road and freeway over there. Gone. That massive city on the horizon? Wiped out.
But the next day, the sun returns. The sun is Carl’s ultimate defeater. The sun looks down at Carl and sighs a deep sigh. “Not again, Carl.” Slowly but surely, Carl burns away. It is a perpetual battle.
Carl awakens over the ocean. Carl frowns to himself. It has happened again. He thought he had conquered the human world. But he had fallen asleep and woken to nothing but ocean. Why does this keep happening? Carl says to himself, frustrated beyond comparison. Maybe it is a nasty invention of the humans. Maybe they have come up with something to overthrow me.
Carl is not pleased. He wallows for awhile in self pity. He dances around the ocean: Hither and Yonder, and calms himself thus. I shall try again. He announces to no one but the seagulls.
Carl always knows what direction the land lies. It is always due east. He heads in that path, rapidly sailing across the waves.
Oh, those nasty little humans. Those silly ant like creatures. They are so foolish. They busy themselves all their life long. And they die and never return. I do not die. I am reborn every evening! He thinks to himself these thoughts. He is rebuilding his confidence for the rapid onslaught of the shoreline.
Picture to yourself the scene ominous music plays disturbingly. Carl comes over the horizon. He is a grey cloud, fog, low to the ground, thick and puffy. He is not unlike a tsunami. He moves much slower than that devil made of water. But he devours all that he touches in moisture just the same.
If you stand within Carl, You will feel a thick wetness and it will be like breathing in a sauna only. The air will be cold and thick with mist.
Carl approaches the shore. In his mind’s eye, he is the Conqueror of all. The birds scatter before him. And the humans run inside in fear. Indeed, nobody takes notice of Carl. They might point or groan. But they do not fear him. He is the bringer of the chill. He is the ender of all summer activities. When he comes, we know that the next day will be. Cloudy and chilly. No more swimming nor fun in the sun with Carl about.
But in Carl’s eyes, he is the creator of doom. “Run you little humans run away. I am here too. Conquer the day. Let me take back the earth. Let me steal away your light, your heat, your sun. I will bring peace to this world.“ He says this out loud. But no one can hear. Because his words are just mist and dew drops.
The fog is eerie in the night. That is the only time that Carl gets the ambiance he likes. When Carl has settled over the streets and the city it is like living in a horror movie. Everything is bathed in haze. The lights have wide circular glows forming around them. The noise is echoed. Footsteps seemed reverberate through the streets. And a car horn sounds like a foghorn. If you are driving in Carl, you will have trouble seeing too far ahead. The headlights will not help you. It will be impossible to judge the distance between you and the oncoming headlights. Your windshield wipers will have to run back and forth to keep the droplets at bay and You will lean over your steering wheel eyes narrowed, appearing in two a milky soup.
I hope that you are not followed one day when carl is surrounding you. It will give you the creeps. Carl in the night is a thing from you nightmares. Most people stay out of Carl. At least on foot, when they can. And it’s dangerous to travel in carl while traveling on the freeway. He can impair your vision. He can make it hard to see the cars in front of you or to judge distance. And if you have an airplane that wants to take off or land while Carl is around, they might cancel or delay.
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Crystals
